Today’s Sock of the Week comes courtesy of Ogden Nash and Sid, a reader of this blog, who kindly mentioned this verse in a comment on one of our previous socks of the week (in relation to clocks). You just can’t argue with lines like “hosiery, wonderful and terrible” but one also wonders how things might have been different had Nash just learned to wash his own woollen socks by hand, discovered today’s hardy superwash yarns, or perhaps been able to knit his own pair “full of colour, full of clocks”. . . .
The Shrinking Song
Woollen socks, woollen socks!
Full of colour, full of clocks!
Plain and fancy, yellow, blue,
From the counter beam at you.
O golden fleece, O magic flocks!
O irresistible woollen socks!
O happy haberdasher’s clerk
Amid that galaxy to work!
And now it festers, now it rankles
Not to have them round your ankles;
Now with your conscience do you spar;
They look expensive, and they are;
Now conscience whispers, You ought not to,
And human nature roars, You’ve got to!
Woollen socks, woollen socks!
First you buy them in a box.
You buy them several sizes large,
Fit for Hercules, or a barge.
You buy them thus because you think
These lovely woollen socks may shrink.
At home you don your socks with ease,
You find the heels contain your knees;
You realise with saddened heart
Their toes and yours are far apart.
You take them off and mutter Bosh,
You up and send them to the wash.
Too soon, too soon the socks return,
Too soon the horrid truth you learn;
Your woollen socks can not be worn
Unless a midget child is born;
And either sockless you must go,
Or buy a sock for every toe,
Woollen socks, woollen socks!
Infuriating paradox!
Hosiery wonderful and terrible,
Heaven to wear, and yet unwearable.
The man enmeshed in such a quandary
Can only hie him to the laundry,
And while his socks are hung to dry,
Wear them once as they’re shrinking by.
From Nash’s Selected Poems (1945)
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