still making

March 20, 2013 By Kate in knitting, making, recovery, stroke Tags: knitting, making, recovery, stroke 121 Comments

Worry not . . .I’m not going anywhere.

I produced yesterday’s post because:
1) this is my space and its useful for me to have a record of such decisions
2) this is your space too, and I like to be honest with you
3) some of you may have been expecting to run into me at various events, and it is only fair to inform you of my absence

Really, I am OK — I am just someone whose health can be annoyingly variable and who, because of this, has limited resources. I have to use those resources in the best way possible, and pondering the imponderable question of whether or not I may let someone down because I may be unwell at a certain point three or four or six months down the line is simply not a good use of these resources. I have to cut myself some slack, and yesterday’s decision is simply the best way for me to do this. I know that all of you living with chronic conditions, or who have experienced the interminable frustrations of recovery from strokes and other brain injuries know exactly where I’m coming from (a big shout out here to Jen and Dancing Beastie with whom I feel tremendous solidarity).

The thing is, that however rubbish I am feeling, I cannot stop making stuff. I might have felt totally crappy last week (you know things are bad when getting dressed marks the day’s first insurmountable hurdle) but I still turned out a sweater and this pair of socks. The experience of grafting the sock’s last stitch, or of putting the sweater in to block, probably represents accomplishment at its most basic, but I can tell you that such experiences have saved me from some very black places when I’ve been at my worst.

So I want all of you, my virtual friends, to know that though you might not find me at a show or in a class, you will generally always find me here. Still making.

busy-ness

October 28, 2012 By Kate in Colours of Shetland, design, health, Kate Davies, Kate Davies Designs, recovery, Shetland, stroke Tags: Colours of Shetland, design, health, publishing, recovery, stroke, writing 49 Comments

It has been an up-and-down sort of couple of weeks here. On the down side, I have not been feeling my best; there have been many more bad days than usual, and, most frustratingly, I’ve had to cancel several occasions to which I was really looking forward. I suppose some sort of energy-fallout was inevitable after the eventful and fun-packed few days of Shetland Wool Week, but still, there is nothing that dampens ones spirits more than weighing up activities in terms of their toll on ones reserves. On the up side — and it is a massive up — I appear to have almost made a book. Entering ‘Kate Davies Designs’ in the empty box that asked for ‘Publisher Name’ on several forms has made me foolishly excited, and I am really enjoying this stage of the process, which is involving some contextual writing, and the singular pleasure of seeing my patterns, photographs, and essays all laid out on the page. Some great people have been integral to this project, and every day I find myself more happy to have the opportunity to work with them, more and more amazed that this is what I actually DO. So, despite the fact that I have found myself cursing the stroke more than usual of late, really, its all good.

I’ve not been talking here much about what’s been involved in designing this new collection or in developing the book (I suppose part of me has been concerned – not unreasonably – that something was going to occur to scupper the process) but I think you’ll all soon find that I won’t be able to shut up about it. In the meantime, here are five images which give you a wee taster of each of the books five sections, each of which contains an exploratory essay, photographic lookbook, and a pair of Shetland-inspired designs.

MORE SOON!

In other news, having found myself in the singularly odd position of not currently working on one of my own patterns, I have signed up for Woolly Wormhead’s Mystery Hat Knitalong. Woolly’s designs are so innovative and stylish, and her patterns so well written that I know I will enjoy the process, and end up with something amazing to stick on my heid! The only issue is that, having successfully applied a rigorous ‘work-only’ policy to my stash for the past couple of years, I find myself without any suitable yarn. It might be time to treat myself to a tasty new skein . . .

well-being

September 26, 2012 By Kate in health, recovery, stroke Tags: health, recovery, stroke, well-being 97 Comments

A post for my own benefit, and for those of you who are interested in how I’m managing, health-wise.

On a routine visit to my GP yesterday, she pointed out that it was the first time I’d been to see her since May. Given the regularity of my visits to her surgery over the past two and a half years, this is an unusual but entirely happy state of affairs. So, it occurred to me yesterday that I am, in general, doing much better of late. This does not mean that I am recovered or anything: I still get hit with the occasional horrible, crushing bout of post-stroke fatigue; I still find ‘noisy’ public situations difficult and tiring; I still suffer from sharp, intrusive headaches and have weird moments of vertigo; I still limp about with a tiresomely unreliable left leg and have to sleep ten hours a night to have any hope of managing the next day — but I am certainly managing. Tom puts it this way: the bad days are still as bad, but there seem to be less of them. Reflecting on how I’ve handled the past (extremely busy) few months, I genuinely feel that I have turned some sort of a corner. The key difference, or perhaps shift, is this: I don’t have to always think about how I am feeling. Because my energy levels were so low, I was constantly having to weigh up each day’s activities in terms of their inevitable toll. An afternoon would often turn on an impossible equation (you can cook a meal or take Bruce for a walk, but not both ) and there was no space around these (incredibly basic) getting-by activities for anything that would, in my new world, count as work (reading, designing, thinking, writing, responding to email, a trip to the post office). As well as being physically debilitating, suffering from any sort of chronic health condition takes up an awful lot of mind space. If you are thinking about how much energy you have left, or how much pain you are in, you really don’t have the resources to think about much else. I suppose all that I am saying is that I feel that I have more of those resources.

On reflection, I think this recent feeling – of being a bit more capable – probably combines two factors: first, the actual incremental improvements in my condition that I continue to observe, and second, my adjustment to the realities of my post-stroke ‘normal’ — by which I mean that I am much better, and much more rigorous, at making sure I have the right amount of sleep (this really is the key for me), at eating regularly to maintain my energy, at limiting the number of things that I say ‘yes’ to, and at just fitting the right amount of stuff into each day. Put simply, I take care of myself so that I can manage to do the things that are important to me. I suppose, really, this is a basic rule of well-being, that anyone, not just someone who has had a stroke, might adhere to.

catching up

June 5, 2012 By Kate in recovery, stroke, woolfest Tags: Caleb Luke Lin, recovery, stroke, Woolfest 42 Comments

I have had a “bad” few days full of headaches and fatigue. Looking at it, I suppose it is inevitable after a weekend full of (for me) strenuous physical activity, followed by a rather grueling set of medical procedures on my return home (all is well, so no worries there). In a way, the more generally well I get, the worse I become at dealing with these awful, crashing lows in which my brain and body just decide to stop working. I just want to get on with things! It made it all the harder that, on Friday, I was supposed to be attending an event in which I was really interested. . . it is so bloody frustrating! Still, even if I should perhaps, as the physios and OTs say, have “paced myself” better while we were away, I would not have missed my Hebridean swimming and cycling for the world. Personally, I would rather push myself to do the exhilarating things I really enjoy – the annoyance of a subsequently ‘lost’ five days is probably better than regret about a lost opportunity. It is important to say this here, 28 months into my recovery, so I can come back and remind myself of it later.

In the meantime, we have not, like much of the rest of the country, been celebrating our constitutional serfdom, but Tom did take part in the Perth kilt run – coming in at an impressive 12th place! If you’d like to see him, he zips by looking very serious at 1 minute 50 seconds into this video of the event.

Also, yesterday, my knitting comrades helped me to begin to put my kits together for Woolfest.

This is very exciting. I’ll be launching two new designs at Woolfest and will be able to tell you more about them very soon.

And the fabulous image at the top of this post is a silk scarf depicting an A to Z of rare sheep breeds. It was designed by US illustrator Caleb Luke Lin – I love his work!

A Jura triathlon

May 29, 2012 By Kate in Islay, Jura, recovery, running, Scotland, stroke, trike Tags: cycling, Islay, Jura, jura fell race, Paps of Jura, recovery, stroke, swimming, tricycling, weather 73 Comments

We spent last Friday and Saturday on the wonderful island of Jura — one of our very favourite places. The island was as beautiful and warmly-welcoming as ever (though we were very sad to note the closure of the beautiful gardens at Ardfin after their recent purchase by an absentee hedge fund manager). Our pricipal reason for visiting at this time of year is that Tom likes to run the Jura Fell Race (you can read earlier accounts of this race here and here)

To those of you who aren’t hill runners, this event will probably seem pretty bonkers. It involves seven hills, eight thousand feet of ascent, and sixteen miles over some really challenging terrain – bog, boulder fields and rough quartzite scree. But if you have been to Jura, you’ll see why Tom and so many other runners return year after year: the Paps are truly fabulous hills – the sort that demand you to get out and about in them (I climbed them once myself 6 or 7 years ago, but they would definitely be too much for me in my present circumstances). They dominate the landscape of this part of the Hebrides to the extent that it is hard to take a photograph without them looming large and pap-like somewhere on the horizon.

Here they are from Port Charlotte:

From Finlaggan

And from below on the Sound of Jura, where you can really get a sense of how these giant quartzite cones seem to rise spontaneously out of the water.

Like many other places in the UK, the Hebrides have recently been enjoying some glorious weather. At 9am on race day, it was already extremely warm. Warnings about dehydration and heatstroke were added to the usual comforting remarks about the dangers of the race.

And then they were OFF!

While Tom was away facing the Paps, I had my own (small) challenge to complete. For the past month or so, I have been practising my tricycling with the aim of being strong (and safe) enough to pootle on the road up to Three-Arch Bridge to see Tom come down from the hills toward the end of the race, and then cycle back with him to the finish line at Craighouse. This is a round trip of six and a half miles on three wheels – nothing in comparison to the task Tom was engaged upon, but certainly an undertaking for someone whose wonky left side is still suffering the after-effects of a stroke and hemiplegia.

I practised my ride the day before the race and reckoned I’d be fine.

On race day, I timed my tricycling to Tom’s predicted finishing time, and happily made it to the bridge just a few minutes before he appeared off the last hill. You’ll have to take my word for it that the tiny dot in the centre of the picture is Tom (the slightly larger figure to the left is a race marshall).

And here he is coming over the stile just before the bridge.

Obviously there are no pictures of our joint journey back into Craighouse, as we were both otherwise engaged (he on foot, me on wheels). The race was really tough in the heat, but Tom completed it in 4 hours 28 minutes – his best time yet! I was also very happy to complete my own mini-challenge, and happily without attendant bog-water, blood, and bruises.

The third element of our Jura triathlon was, of course . . . swimming! It is not often that one gets a chance to do this in the sea off the Hebrides, and for me it was an opportunity not to be missed, even without a proper costume.

This was the first time I’d swum in the sea since my stroke.

And it was my first time ever swimming with a dog.

The water was clean and clear and cold and full of fish. It was really pretty amazing.

To anyone who has survived a stroke, can I say: though we may never be able to undertake a feat of endurance anything like the Jura Fell Race, small physical goals that make our wonky bodies work just a little bit harder are just as important and certainly as satisfying. Try riding a trike! Swim in the sea! I know that I feel a joy at being able to complete these physical challenges that is more intense than any sense of accomplishment I felt before my stroke. These small things — like being able to take to the water, or accompany one’s partner in the final stage of an epic race — remind me just how grateful I am to still be alive.

b r b

April 24, 2012 By Kate in color, colour, knitting, recovery, stroke Tags: color, colour, health, knitting, recovery, spring, stroke, wool 84 Comments

Just popping in to say hello. I have been under the weather for the past week, and am now really rather unwell, and a bit grumpy to boot. I think I was getting used to my “normal” being a wee bit better than this . . . now, suddenly, I am back to feeling too tired to dress myself and it is really frustrating! There are things to be done!

At least there are some things which don’t require too much physical effort. Like playing around with this soft, Springtime palette, for example. . .

I often find myself feeling grateful for the solace-giving, restorative powers of sheepy wool and needles. When one is feeling ropey, knitting really comes into its own, I think.

machine

April 5, 2012 By Kate in recovery, stroke, trike Tags: cycling, pashley, recovery, stroke, tri-1, tricycle, trike 199 Comments

For one reason or another, I am currently unable to drive. I am also unable to ride a bike because, like many folk who have had a stroke, my balance is appalling. It is more than two years since my stroke, 26 months since I have gone anywhere under my own steam. . .

until today . . .

If I look like a terrified toddler on its first machine, then that is really how this felt. In fact, in a way, it was my first time on wheels – - at least for the neurologically re-wired left side of my body. Having never done this before, my left arm and leg had no idea what they were doing. I have exercised on Tom’s stationary turbo trainer, but a stationary bike is very, very different to a moving tricycle.

The trike is extremely stable and sturdy – exactly what I need. The whole of my left side is much weaker than my right, and, because my left foot is so wonky and unstable it simply refuses to stay in one place. Tom tethered my left boot to the pedal with a firm clip, so I was safe to let my right side start things off. Once my right leg had picked up some steam, the left one figured out what to do.

None of this was easy – because my left arm is much weaker than my right, my steering was (ahem) a bit erratic. And the physical and mental effort needed to get my left leg to push down is quite immense – I tried and failed to get up a small hill.

But, despite all these difficulties, I was having FUN.

Moving at speed on a machine after pootling about unsteadily and very slowly for two years feels quite amazing.

I think it will be a while until I’m able to ride about on my own – but then there will be no stopping me!

Hope you all have a lovely weekend however you are spending it!

nutz

March 4, 2012 By Kate in food, recipe, recovery, stroke, wool, yarn Tags: baking, biscuits, food, hazelnut shortbread, knitting, recipe, recovery, shortbread, stroke 88 Comments

There is no getting away from the fact that I’ve had a rough few days. Please try not to have a stroke, people: the long term health implications of it are really bloody annoying. Sometimes the process of recovery itself can add further problems to the myriad medical issues that follow a brain injury, and this has certainly been the case for me. This particular issue concerns the instability of my pelvis, and my general (in)ability to get about, and as well as being in quite a bit of pain this week I’ve been feeling rather angry and frustrated. Will this shit never leave me alone? Unfortunately, it probably won’t. The only thing for me to do is to properly face up to the fact that a stroke is, in effect, a chronic condition with which I am now living: however determined I am, my mobility is now going to be seriously compromised for the rest of my life, and I have to deal with that. Easier said than done, sometimes. I often find myself thinking of Patricia Neal and her hip replacements.

I’m not keen on myself when I’m maudlin, and I’m quite sure no one else is either, so I find myself with not too much to say today. Here are a couple of cheering things.

I love this so much I can’t stop knitting it. The yarn is the stuff I showed you recently and it is just. so. bloody. tasty. I am making some things from it which will be out in pattern form next month, so I will be able to show you the right side reasonably soon.

Tom baked hazelnut shortbread. When baking anything containing nutz, it is, of course, obligatory to sing several verses of the old Louis Jordan song, Nuts to You. At least it is round here:

“We’ve got walnuts, chestnuts – all the best nuts -
Every kind but donuts
Brazil nuts, peanuts, we will see nuts
Till we really go nuts.”

Where was I? Oh yes, Tom’s hazelnut shortbread. It is very good.

You will find the recipe on p. 948 of Nigel Slater’s Tender, vol 2, or below in an abbreviated variation, rendered without Nigel’s linguistic excesses (“large, unruly balls” being a notable feature of his original).

Butter 170g
golden caster sugar 100g
skinned hazelnuts 60g
ground almonds 40g
plain flour 200g
icing sugar for dusting

Preheat oven to 160c.

Cream butter and sugar together till fluffy.
Toast hazelnuts in a dry frying pan until golden, then pound with mixer or pestle & mortar until coarse.
Add the nuts & flour to the butter & sugar and stir until the mixture comes together.
Take a teaspoon, and divide mixture into twelve blobs.
Place on non-stick baking sheet and bake for about 25 mins, or until the biscuits have risen and begun to colour.
Remove from oven and leave to cool for 5 minutes, before lifting from the baking sheet and dusting with icing sugar.

Enjoy while still slightly warm, with a nice cup of tea.

at a loss

February 1, 2012 By Kate in recovery, stroke Tags: stroke 135 Comments

It is the second anniversary of my stroke. I had been preparing a post, but, disliking it, have left it half-written. Unusually, I find myself at a bit of a loss for words. I feel a little angry and a little glum today. I know that I am angry because of the many frustrations I still face (fatigue, hearing and mobility issues, seizures, the inability to plan ahead, the structuring of my entire existence around my sleep / rest requirements &c &c). But anger is pretty pointless, and I am not quite sure why I am glum. Life is really pretty good. Anyway, I must do what I usually do when I feel in a bit of a fug — namely — go for a walk. I think it might be a long one. I shall see you later.

Thanks so much for your comments about different knitting styles, which I am really enjoying reading.

devices and designs

January 30, 2012 By Kate in design, knitting, Shetland, stroke, woolfest Tags: colour knititng, Continetntal knitting, design, English Knitting, epilepsy, knitting, knitting thimble, recovery, seizures, strickfingerhut, stroke, Woolfest, yarn guide 161 Comments

Have any of you tried knitting stranded colourwork with these devices? Variously called knitting thimbles, strickfinghuts or yarn guides, they come in several varieties and I’ve recently been experimenting with a couple. Despite being taught to knit the ‘English’ way, I am a much speedier ‘picker’ than I am a ‘thrower’. I currently find myself in an odd kind of limbo: I can perform all knitterly tasks when working the English way, but when working Continental I can currently only knit and decrease – purling seems a total bear, and, never having tried it, I have no idea how I might execute a yarnover. Yet in ways I can’t really define – and certainly since teaching myself to knit again after my stroke – picking the yarn rather than throwing it feels more ‘natural’ to me. And it is certainly much faster. So, in a bid to shift all my yarn-carrying duties to my left hand, I thought I’d give these devices a try.

The spring-shaped one (which one finds variously described as a “Norweigan” knitting thimble, or “Norvege” strickfingerhut), is probably my favourite. While the blue plastic version in the top photo separates the yarns, this “Norweigan” thimble also allows them to be positioned above and below each other. I found that this made the task of dividing and scooping a little easier, and also had a positive effect on the yarn dominance. It is a little large for my finger, but I fixed this by wearing a small elastic band underneath. Having persevered with it for a couple of days, here are my conclusions:

PROS:
1) Once you have got the hang of it, it, the knitting feels smooth and easy.
2) Definitely speedier than two handed knitting – at least for me (my throwing technique is annoyingly – and apparently intractably – cumbersome).

CONS:
1) After two days use, I developed pain in my right wrist (perhaps from the extra effort / tension initially required to divide and scoop the yarns with the right needle)
2) Tension is much looser (though this can, of course, be easily adjusted).
2) Getting the thing set up is a bit fiddly – and once you are, as it were, at one with the machine, it is an onerous task to disentangle oneself. Because of this, I reckon this device is best suited to projects where only two colours are ever in play: if one was working a complex, multicoloured fairisle design, with multiple yarn-changes, I imagine things would get a bit annoying.

Happily, my current project only involves two colours.

Yes, this is a new design which I hope to have finished by the weekend. You’ll hear more about it then, but here’s another peek for now:

I would be very interested to hear your thoughts on 1) your experience of knitting with strickfingerhuts and other such devices 2) your experiences of Continental and English knitting. Which feels most ‘natural’ to you and why? Have any of you switched sides, as it were, after many years of knitting?

In other news

I can confirm that I will be at two very exciting events this year:
1) I’ll be at WOOLFEST as a vendor for the first time in June! Do you want to see the Rams and Yowes blanket? It will be there too!
2) I’ll be in Shetland for the whole of Wool Week and shall be covering all events here for those who can’t be there (though I encourage you all to come! It’s going to be fantastic!) You can expect a flurry of excited blog posts in October!

In rather less exciting, but for me, very important news, I’ve now received an appointment to see a specialist about my seizures. My neurologist initially felt that they were migraine-related one-offs, but then, after several months without any, I had a spate of rather hideous (and very frightening) “events” over the Christmas break. I really need to sort it out as both the seizures, and the threat of them, impact on all sorts of things in my life. Anyway, now I get to have my head examined! Good news!

Kate Davies Designs

Tag Archives: stroke